The roast nobody has the guts
to give you
Friends are polite. Users just leave. Our AI roaster opens your website, clicks your CTAs, and tells you exactly why visitors bounce — with the rewrites to fix it.
We roasted ourselves. Obviously.
“This landing page is so good, it should be submitted here to be roasted for making every other SaaS founder insecure.”
“A stranger lands here and still can’t answer the only question that matters: what do I win by posting my SaaS? Feedback? Traffic? Public humiliation? Meanwhile the ‘AI Roast’ banner is selling a second product before the first one makes sense.” …followed by the exact rewrite, ready to paste.
That's ~5% of one report. The stranger's narrative, every CTA click, annotated screenshots and all the copy rewrites stay inside the full report — yours for $9.
See the live example page →What's in the full report
- 🔥 Three scores — First impression, Conversion power, Content quality
- 🔥 The Brutal Truth — the one problem costing you the most conversions
- 🔥 Your CTAs, actually clicked — what a stranger sees after every click, with screenshots
- 🔥 Annotated screenshots — callout boxes drawn on your actual page
- 🔥 Copy rewrites — drop-in replacements for your real headlines and CTAs, with A/B alternatives
- 🔥 Top 3 fixes — prioritized, specific, ready to ship today
Powered by an over-engineered prompt
A master prompt refined over thousands of landing pages — and continuously calibrated against the highest-revenue startups with verified MRR on TrustMRR.com.
What that means in practice:
- It sees your page fully rendered at 1440px — the live site, not scraped text
- It clicks your CTAs and screenshots whatever happens next (login walls, dead ends, broken modals — we catch them daily)
- Calibrated on 2026’s most profitable pages — we study startups with verified revenue on TrustMRR (top SaaS listings run $26k to $219k+ MRR) and keep the rubric updated
- Every finding quotes your actual copy — with a drop-in rewrite and two A/B alternatives
- One free re-roast within 30 days — ship the fixes, get a before/after score
You get a round two. Free.
Ship the fixes, come back within 30 days, and hit Run my free re-roast inside your report. The stranger returns, re-judges everything, and you get a before/after score — frame it, tweet it, rub it in.
No codes, no emails, no hoops — the button lives inside your report. Your $9 covers both rounds.
“Why not ChatGPT? Or Claude Code / Codex?”
Sure, ChatGPT can look at a page these days. Looking isn’t auditing:
- It reads your page like a document — it doesn’t experience it like a cold visitor on a real 1440px screen
- It won’t click “Start Free” and discover it dead-ends on a “Welcome back” login wall (the #1 killer we find)
- It guesses what’s above the fold — we measure it, screenshot it and draw on it
- And it will tell you your page is “great overall! 😊” because it loves you
“Ok, but Claude Code and Codex can use a browser…” True — they’re brilliant coding agents. But they audit your page like an engineer, not like a cold visitor:
- No CRO rubric — they check if the page works, not if it converts
- No calibration — they’ve never been benchmarked against pages doing $219k+ MRR
- No score, no annotated screenshots, no report you can share with your team
- And each deep audit burns tokens on your coding plan — this is $9 flat, twice (re-roast included)
Plot twist: the last section of every report is a copy-paste prompt for your AI — ChatGPT, Claude Code or Codex get to do what they’re actually great at: applying the fixes.
FAQ
How long does it take?
Free teaser: ~30 seconds. Full report: usually a few minutes, up to 5 when the page needs extra heat — it takes what it takes to click every CTA and read every word. The page updates itself while the Roaster works.
Is the free roast private?
No — free roasts go on the Hall of Flame on our home page, score and all (free eyeballs for you). One free roast per domain, ever. Don’t want the audience? Buy the full report and you can pull your company off the wall anytime — the report itself always stays behind a private link only you have.
Is this a subscription?
No. $9, once, per page — and it includes a free re-roast within 30 days. No account, no card on file.
How does the free re-roast work?
After your report is ready, a re-roast button appears inside it. Fix your page, click it any time within 30 days, and you get a fresh full report with a before/after score. The right lives in your private report link — no codes to type.
Can I get the report in my language?
Yes — English, Português (BR), Español, Français and Deutsch. Copy rewrites always match your page’s own language, so they’re paste-ready.
Is my report public?
No. It lives behind a private link only you have. If you choose to put your roast on the Hall of Flame, only the score, one burn and a locked preview are public — the fixes and rewrites stay yours.
What does “calibrated on profitable startups” mean?
We continuously study the landing pages of startups with verified revenue (via TrustMRR — top SaaS listings between $26k and $219k+ MRR in 2026) and bake those conversion patterns into the Roaster’s rubric. You get graded against pages that actually print money, not against a textbook.
Something broke / my report failed?
Hit the retry button on your report page. Still stuck? Ping the pitmaster via the contact form on the wall — we’ll fix it or refund you. We’re mean, not dishonest.